Chapter 6
Harsh physical punishment within my family home the context of being in the UK was considered to be the greatest privilege of my life, of which I had to fight hard to maintain. It was repeatedly physically beaten into me by my parents that:
That was the path to civilisation my purposes became conflicting, but real , the need to be an 'educated Englishman' and the need to return to a 'rural yard' where my formative and strongest recollections were.
I spent much of my early years in the UK running away from home and simply living rough in open spaces, I was absent for up to three months at a time, from the age of 10.
I was terrorised by my estranged parents with tales of the barbaric and primitive nature of 'Africans', of how unruly Africans were for fighting for their independence from their imperial masters. I watched nightly on TV the children starving surrounded by giant flies. Their tears were my tears their suffering was my suffering. From observing the stress of my parents at work and the daily personal requirement of combing out the knots in my hair, the use of a variety of creams to lighten my skin colour, the hourly requirement to straighten my nose between forefinger and thumb and all times to be seen wearing a suit collar and tie, all became too much. I identified with the oppressed 'African' of whom I felt more empathy with, than the so called free 'civilised' West-Indian Black English people of my family and their friends.
He therefore has the task of integrating the following significant
facets of his self; West-Indian identity, Black British Identity,
African Identity and now mental health patient. The need to conflate all identities into one and the belief that
the process of continual development will allow him to develop holistically.
The excitement of why should I challenge the identity I was most comfortable with?
The excitement of why should I challenge the identity I was most comfortable with?
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